Last week, the General moved out of a crib and into his big-boy bed. At first, he was excited. He called me at work to tell me all about it.
But when I came home and he led me to his room to show it off, all of a sudden his demeanour changed. His shoulders slumped and his bottom lip trembled. Reality set in.
"I don’t want it," he cried. "Put my crib back!"
This is a kid who gets upset when you turn off a light without consulting him first. So we expected he would find moving to a new bed difficult, even though it’s shaped like a race car and way cooler than a crib.
Eventually he was OK, once he saw I could snuggle with him and read him stories right in bed. He went to sleep without any more meltdowns.
But helping kids try new things is often a challenge. The General isn’t the only one in our house who has a hard time with it.
Last spring, I asked the two oldest boys if they’d like to sign up for baseball. I got two very different reactions.
The Whirlwind: "Sure."
The Mastermind: "No! I’ll throw the ball at people and run away! YOU CAN’T MAKE ME DO IT!"
Once he calmed down, I asked him why he didn’t want to try it.
"I don’t like meeting new people or having new teachers," he said. "And I don’t like doing anything I’m not good at."
Wow, I thought. How can I argue with that? He was five years old and articulating the same things that stress me out.
Maybe there are extroverts out there who love being plunged into new social situations or stretched beyond their comfort zones, but those things don’t come naturally to me.
And yet, that’s life. Change is inevitable. You learn how to deal, and you teach your kids how to deal as well.
The Whirlwind is easy — he’ll try anything. He took to preschool this year without a second thought. A few weeks ago, he casually announced that he can’t wait to get on the bus and go to school.
"I’ll probably make some new friends," he said. "I’ll see you when I get home."
Our daughter, well, we’ve moved her to a new continent, taken her from silence to hearing, and introduced her to a couple dozen health-care professionals, so she’s adapted pretty well to being thrown into new situations.
But the oldest and youngest, they struggle. And I completely understand. The Mastermind is an over-thinker, just like his father.
We walk a fine balance with him, trying to discern when to push and when to back off. You want to challenge your kids to experience new things — it’s a major part of growing as a human being. Yet you don’t want to traumatize them by forcing them into something when they’re not ready.
I did sign both boys up for baseball. I spent weeks practising with the Mastermind, teaching him how to hit and encouraging him so he felt comfortable before the season started. My wife also wrote him a list of "things to be brave about," from visiting the eye doctor to getting his five-year immunizations.
By summer’s end, he did great at baseball and checked off his whole list. And he was much more willing to sign on for gymnastics and swimming lessons in the fall.
This is our job: to nudge them forward, take off the training wheels and put away the crib. Sometimes it’s us who aren’t ready. I’m not sure quite how to feel, knowing that I’m putting the crib away for the last time. But that’s life.
Chad Lucas and his wife are the busy parents of four children under the age of seven. Find more of their adventures online at thelucasadventures.wordpress.com.
